


Every Step of the Way

by BitterSnowflake



Category: Tom Hiddleston - Fandom
Genre: Depression, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-12
Updated: 2020-12-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 22:08:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,303
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28034415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BitterSnowflake/pseuds/BitterSnowflake
Summary: Thank you so much for reading!
Relationships: Tom Hiddleston/Reader, Tom Hiddleston/You
Kudos: 20





	Every Step of the Way

Depression road. You had promised yourself to never go down that road again and yet here you were, in the midst of it and lacking the strength to go back. Go back to the good place from which you came. Things had been so good for some time now. Too good to be true. You should have known that eventually, you would come crashing down, but you never could have predicted that you would fall this hard.

You felt so ungrateful, because you had so many good things in your life that you should be happy about, one of which was laying right there next to you on the bed. Unlike you, Tom was fully dressed from having been out running errands all day. You had not been able to even leave the bed, much less to face the day ahead of you. Tom’s eyebrows were knitted together in concern as he studied your face closely. You could feel how your face was frozen into a look of sadness with the corners of your mouth pointing downwards and your eyebrows slightly raised towards the middle of your face. You tried, but failed to put on a brave smile. You felt like you just wanted to cry, but the tears wouldn’t come.

“Darling, you need help,” Tom told you seriously.

“I’ll get up soon, I promise, Tom. Just give me a moment,” you replied, trying to assure him that you were fine. Your face hurt as you tried to smile, but grimaced instead. You knew your eyes still held a sadness that let on how much pain you were in.

“[Your name],” Tom said, again using that serious voice. “We’re getting you help.”

“I don’t know, Tom,” you replied hesitantly. “I just need to pull myself together, that’s all.”

“No, darling,” Tom said compassionately. “Don’t put this on yourself. This is not your fault.”

“But it is, Tom,” you told him dejectedly. “If I hadn’t been so weak, I would have been able to resist it. If only I was stronger, then I wouldn’t... become like this again…”

“There’s a difference between weak and vulnerable, [your name]. You know that as well as I do. You’re vulnerable to depression, but you’re certainly not weak. You’ve been through this before, and you can get through this again. I’ll be with you every step of the way,” he told you earnestly.

You gazed into his beautiful, impossibly blue eyes and noticed that there were tears in them. One tear ran slowly down his left cheek as he looked at you. It was your fault that he was sad, you thought to yourself. You made him feel this way, because you were a horrible person. You just needed to get a hold on yourself and pretend that you were happy. Fake it until you make it, as they say. You would have been able to do that, if you hadn’t been so damn selfish, burying yourself in self-pity. You felt guilty and desperate to repair the damage you had caused.

“I’m fine, Tom. I promise,” you tried to assure him and wiped away the tears from his face. This time, you actually managed to smile properly, although you could feel that you still had sadness in your eyes. Tom looked so sad as he shook his head at you.

“No, [your name]. You are not fine, not at all. We’re getting you help. It’s breaking my heart to see you like this,” he said insistently. “This is not your fault, [your name]. Don’t you think for a moment that this is your fault, or that you are weak. Because you are the strongest person I know, and I refuse to leave your side in all this. Like I said, I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

You really tried to take in his words, to believe in them, but it was so hard. How could this not be your fault? It was your mind, if only you had the self-discipline to pull yourself together, then this never would have happened again.

“How can this not be my own fault?” you questioned sadly. “I feel like such a failure. I promised myself that I would never fall again.”

“It’s not your fault, even if it feels like it. No one ever chooses to become depressed. It just happens, and it could happen to anyone. Becoming depressed doesn’t mean that you are weak or that it’s your fault. It just happens. It sucks and it’s not fair, but that’s the way it is,” Tom told you earnestly.

You sat up in bed and tried really hard to believe in his words. He took you in his strong arms and embraced you with all of his heart. You could feel the love flowing out of him and into you. A love so strong that not even depression could get in the way. ‘He loves me,’ you were able to think, despite the dysphoria that otherwise diminished your ability to think positively.

“I love you,” you said and placed your arms tightly around Tom’s torso, as though you were hanging on for dear life. He was your life buoy amidst the dark sea of depression, keeping you from drowning.

“I love you too, [your name],” Tom told you and looked at you tenderly. “And that is why I insist on taking you to see a doctor right now.”

“Now?!” you asked alarmedly. You were in no state to be seen by anyone.

“I managed to get you an appointment in an hour,” Tom informed you. “And you are going,” he insisted firmly.

“But I’m scared,” you heard yourself say and realised that it was true. You were scared to seek help again, because that would mean admitting to yourself that something wasn’t right.

“I’ll be right there with you,” Tom promised and smiled encouragingly at you. “For as much as you need me to, I’ll be right there.”

Tom helped you get ready for the doctor’s visit. He got you into the shower, because you could no longer remember how long it had been since you last showered. You most certainly wanted to freshen up and make yourself look decent before seeing the doctor. You couldn’t let a stranger see what a total wreck you were nowadays. Tom even helped you get dressed and brush your hair, since you somehow felt paralyzed when it came to doing such simple things.

“There you go,” Tom said with a beautiful, but sad smile as he finished buttoning your shirt for you. “Let’s go,” he added and took you by the hand, leading you out to the car. He buckled your seatbelt for you, since you somehow forgot to do such an obvious thing.

You wearily rested your head against Tom’s shoulder where you sat down together on a leather sofa in the mostly white waiting room. You failed to hear when the doctor called out your name, so Tom put an arm around you and helped you stand up. He led you up to where the doctor was standing and waiting for you with an outstretched hand. You didn’t move yours to greet him properly, it felt too difficult somehow.

“Honey, would you like me to come with you?” Tom asked you and you looked up at him helplessly.

“Please don’t leave me,” you told him desperately.

“I won’t,” he assured you as he walked with you to the doctor’s office. You sat down in two armchairs standing next to each other and Tom held your hand in his as if to emphasise that he was indeed not leaving your side. He turned to you and looked at you lovingly, his eyes again watery with tears. “Remember, [your name]. I’m with you every step of the way,” he told you sincerely.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


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